Brief update

By wendy | Published December 2, 2010

Sorry. I haven’t been in the mood to write. My heart has not been in the right place, and much prayer has only succeeded in making me a good deal grouchier. This cycle tends to indicate that the Lord is teaching me something that I’m too thick to comprehend, so I am learning to keep my mouth shut until I learn my lesson. I’ve tried to get Emmett to blog. He was surprised to find that it has been almost two months since his last blog, so he may be posting one soon.

Emmett has slowly come out of the chemo funk, and I have similarly emerged from my cold. We are up and about more often. Emmett has run some errands, put up some Christmas lights, and taken Quinn to school this week. He’s had some more bleeding around his feeding tube, which makes him anxious, so we’re trying to get in to see a doctor. Since we don’t know what the problem is, though, we don’t know which doctor to see. We would appreciate prayers for the bleeding to stop and wisdom as to how to proceed.

Next week we travel to Houston again, leaving Tuesday evening and returning Thursday evening. We have a CT scan on Wednesday and get the results Thursday when we meet with the doctor. We are praying for good news, of course, but also for wisdom, direction, and faith if we get bad news. Thanks for walking with us in prayer.

Breaking a two month silence

Posted by emmett on December 2, 2010

So, Wendy pointed out to me the other day that I haven’t written a blog post in two months. So I figured while I was feeling well, and able to hold a train of thought for more than a minute or two, I would write a post! that being said . . .

I have to admit, these last two rounds of chemo have been vastly different from each other. Last round (which was the first round) was riddled with dehydration, feeding tube issues, a bleeding ulcer and a spiking temperature, not to mention two blood transfusions. This current round, started well, then I hit a four day stretch where I slept and was kind of out of it. This past week, things have trended upward. Yesterday, however, I did have a small bought of bleeding, which sent a scare this way, wondering if it was more ulcer like stuff. Fortunately, it appears that the bleeding has stopped!

So here we are, less than a week from heading to Houston. We’re praying that things will continue to go well these next few days, with no trips to the ER, and no more bleeding, etc etc.

We are both realizing that the closer we get to flying to Houston, we are also both becoming more apprehensive, or nervous about it as well. This trip will be one of the longer ones (two nights, versus a one night stay) because we are doing a check-up CT scan to monitor the hopeful effectiveness of the drug. We are praying and hoping that the scan shows that the cancer has either not progressed any, or, has shrunk some. There’s a chance that this new treatment is not working, and that scares us, a lot. If this treatment is not working, then that means that it will have been more than 12 weeks since there has been any effective treatment of the cancer, and we would have to come up with another treatment option quickly, hoping that whatever would be next, might be effective.

We would greatly appreciate your prayers that the CT scan would show positive results with this current treatment. Also pray that my white blood cells and blood platelet count would rebound before Houston so that I would be able to receive another round of treatment, and even possible up the dose some (provided that the CT scan shows positive results). Also, please pray for wendy and I, that we would continue to lean and trust on God as He directs the course of events. We’re both scared, worried, heavy hearted, and a little weary from the battle.

Thank you for your prayers, and for walking with us, checking in on us, watching Quinn for us, and being there when we have to make late night runs to the ER. Thank you. Our burden feels lighter with such an incredible community to help us out. So thank you, again.

Sweet Ironies

Posted by wendy on December 7, 2010

Job 9: (Job about God)

³² “He is not a mere mortal like me that I might answer him,
that we might confront each other in court.
³³ If only there were someone to mediate between us,
someone to bring us together,
³⁴ someone to remove God’s rod from me,
so that his terror would frighten me no more.
³⁵ Then I would speak up without fear of him,
but as it now stands with me, I cannot.

Romans 7: 21- 25

²¹ So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. ²² For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; ²³ but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. ²⁴ What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? ²⁵ Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So it occurred to me sometime this fall to read Job for my devotionals. It seemed an odd choice in light of the Thanksgiving season, but in the absence of a better plan, I forged ahead. In the midst of all our crazy circumstances, which don’t even warrant listing, my heart had become a very ugly place. I was tired, bitter, sick, and pretty much a danger to myself and others. Struggling in prayer and devotion had not improved my disposition, and I felt quite powerless to extract myself from the mire of sin.

It was in this state of mind that I was asked to give a devotional at the factuly meeting this week. Oh the irony. I laughed out loud (somewhat sarcastically, I must admit) at the request. I almost refused immediately, but thought I’d better pray over it first. Although I was highly aware of my sin, I was reminded that assuming God couldn’t overcome my sin was not humility, but a staggering insult to God’s grace and power. So I looked over what I had read in Job, somewhat hoping not to find anything. I kept remembering how often Job asks for a mediator or savior, and then Romans 7 came to mind, so I read Paul’s words again. These men were both greatly loved, but greatly afflicted by God. The difference in Paul’s reaction was his knowledge of Christ. I was reminded, as I frequently need to be, that the disposition of our hearts is not dependent on our circumstances, but on our knowledge of what Christ did for us on the cross.

A friend gave me a copy of Paul Wickham’s new Christmas CD, Songs for Christmas (which, incidentally, I highly recommend), and one of his original songs (Evermore) has the following verse about Christ:

He is found in human fashion, death and sorrow here to know. That the race of Adam’s children turned by law to endless woe, may not henceforth die and parish in the dreadful gulf below, but forever rest in beauty in the lights of heaven’s glow.

I love that description of Christ. It so beautifully captures what he did for us on the cross. So I was moved, my heart was softened, and I was brought to tears when I read the following prayer called “A Cry for Deliverance” in The Valley of Vision:

Heavenly father,
Save me entirely from sin.
I know I am righteous through the righteousness of another,
But I pant and pine for likeness to thyself;
I am thy child and should bear thy image,
Enable me to recognize my death unto sin;
When it tempts me may I be deaf unto its voice.
Deliver me from the invasion as well as the dominion of sin.
Grant me to walk as Christ walked,
To live in the newness of his life,
The life of love, the life of faith,
The life of holiness.
I abhor my body of death,
Its indolence, envy, meanness, pride.
Forgive, and kill these vices,
Have mercy on my unbelief,
On my corrupt and wandering heart.
When thy blessings come I begin to idolize them,
And set my affection on some beloved object –
Children, friends, wealth, honor;
Cleanse this spiritual adultery and give me chastity;
Close my heart to all but thee.
Sin is my greatest curse;
Let thy victory be apparent to my consciousness,
And displayed in my life.
Help me to be always devoted, confident, obedient,
resigned, childlike in my trust of tee,
To love thee with my soul, body, mind, strength,
To love my fellow man as I love myself,
To be saved from unregenerate temper, hard thoughts,
Slanderous words, meanness, unkind manners,
To master my tongue and keep the door of my lips.
Fill me with grace daily,
That my life be a fountain of sweet water.

So it was an unexpected blessing to be asked to give a devotion at school. Had I not stopped to consider God’s ability to overcome my sinful nature, I would never have had this sweet time. But the most delicious irony? After having my heart so changed by preparing that devotional, we found out Monday that the faculty meeting was canceled, and I did not have to give devotion at all.

To Houston

Posted by wendy on December 7, 2010

Brief update:

We’re headed to Houston in a couple hours. The CT scan is Wednesday evening and the meeting with the doctor is Thursday morning. We’ll update you as soon as possible, though it may take some time because of logistics. Thank you so much for your prayers.

A Merry Christmas Team Emmett Wear deal for you!

Posted by wendy on December 8, 2010

Well,

It’s been an interesting year for us, to say the least. We more or or less have been battling this cancer thing all year, and we’re beginning to feel it too. We are so humbled though with each and every one of you who has come along side of us and supported us, loved on us and prayed for us. We are also grateful for all of you who have purchased Team Emmett Shirts, Wristbands, and Water bottles, since a large portion of the proceeds goes back to us to help with expenses. It’s also encouraging to hear of people who are wearing their Team Emmett shirts every time we go in for a Doctor’s Appointment; whether it’s to show your support, take a funny photo and post it, use it as a reminder to pray for us throughout the day, or for whatever other reason you may have. We have heard countless stories of friends who have worn their Team Emmett shirts out and about and run into other people who are familiar with our story, or, they are able to have the chance to share our story with people who ask what Team Emmett is all about. And that brings me to some exciting news!

During the rest of the month of December, we will be running a special in the Team Emmett Wear store. All Adult Shirts are 50% off, and the toddler shirts are 20% off !! So now is the perfect time to grab you an extra Team Emmett shirt since yours is wearing out from all the use it’s been getting! You can even afford to get one for a friend, a family member, or to hand out to some random person when they ask you about Team Emmett! We have plenty of the Classic Team Emmett t-shirts and plenty of the Girls dark grey t-shirts. However, we are almost out of the Limited Edition Intergalactic Team Emmett shirts (when these are gone, they’re gone for good!). And for all those nieces and nephews, little brothers and sisters, or your friends little kids, then be sure to grab an ADORABLE Toddler tee (Our son Quinn loves wearing his, and even asks for his ‘robot daddy shirt’!)

This is also a GREAT time to buy a water bottle while you’re getting shirt, pick up the item that started Team Emmett, the cloth Wristband! Seriously now, you should stock up on some TE Wear so that you can keep sporting the logo during treatment days. And if nothing else, when purchasing items, you will be giving back to us to continue to help with our expenses. We would love that if you do take advantage of the 50% off shirt deal (which you should of course!) if you would help us cover our shipping costs by ordering at least two items or more (just a small plug from our Team Emmett shipping and receiving department)

Thank you again so much, for your support, your prayers, and for your constant vigilance checking in with us, offering meals, airport rides, and whatever else you’ve so graciously helped us with. I speak from the bottom of my heart when I say that I can’t do this without all of you (I’m an emotional wreck just typing this). When I hit rock bottom during chemo, and feel like everything is crashing down on me, it’s the emails, cards and text messages that help keep me from despairing. It’s all the times that you have reached out to my wife, or to Quinn, through playdates, coffee hangs, dinners, and the myriad of other ways you have ministered to them – It lifts a burden from my heart when I feel I can’t take care of them as I wish I could, and then knowing they are being ministered too, and loved on, does wonders for me. Thank you so, so so much.

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas Season, and remember, you can always grab some deals with Team Emmett Wear!!

News

Posted by wendy on December 9, 2010

Unfortunately we were not able to update the blog from the hospital, so this messages is getting out much later than our Facebook updates and tweets. Many of you have heard fragments, so let me piece them together for a cohesive picture for you.

We arrived in Houston Tuesday for a series of scans and tests on Wednesday, and we got the results of those scans this morning. Overall the news was moderately good. Here are the details. First, there is tumor shrinkage in the main tumors in the liver. Our doctor likes to put up both scans on the computer screen and show you exactly what the difference is. This is both cool and a bit overwhelming. It’s one thing to know the tumor in his liver is large. It’s another thing to see a slice of his liver where the tumor is almost two-thirds of the liver area pictured. Seeing the size of the lesions in context considerably sobered the good news for me. On the other hand, once the doctor showed us how to read the scan, we could see a large increase in the “dead” tumor. The dead tumor shows up as a black spot in the middle of the mass because the chemo has liquefied the tumor cells. It was encouraging to see that the size of this dead area had increased and the active tumor had shrunk.

Unfortunately, Emmett’s white cell and platelet counts were too low for him to start chemo tomorrow. Although we received the chemotherapy drug, he will have to get his blood tested at Vanderbilt tomorrow and Monday to see if his counts are high enough to forge ahead with chemo. The data from the blood work will also help indicate if there are problems with his spleen. Often when people have liver problems, the spleen will begin to enlarge, as it is doing in Emmett’s case. By itself, spleen enlargement is not particularly a problem. However the spleen essentially “eats” platelets. Since the chemotherapy destroys the bone marrow that makes platelets, having an enlarged spleen destroys even more of the platelets made by the bone marrow, making chemo recovery more difficult. If Emmett’s counts don’t recover quickly enough, he can’t go on with chemo. They will be watching the platelet count in particular on these next tests. If Emmett’s platelets don’t recover quickly enough, then they may choose to go in and kill part of the spleen by cutting off blood flow to the organ. Sounds pleasant, doesn’t it? This procedure would require hospitalization and is reportedly very painful. Obviously this is no one’s first choice, but eventually, it may be the only way Emmett can realistically continue chemo.

So there we are. Overall the news is good, but the prognosis continues to be sobering. Some of the choices ahead of us are unappealing. We are thankful we don’t have to make those choices yet or switch treatments before the holidays. We are thankful for more time to enjoy each other. Please continue to pray for Emmett’s body, for the cell counts to rise and the spleen to shrink. Pray for endurance and wisdom as we forge ahead. Thank you for checking in on us and walking with us.

Platelets, drugs, and white blood cells

Posted by wendy on December 11, 2010

So Emmett’s cell counts were up yesterday, so we had the all clear to start chemo this morning. So we set the early morning clock, doped Emmett up on his nausea and pain medications, and then he popped his chemo pills. Pills are vastly different than IVs, so we’re watching him to see how they affect him. We were blessed to go to the Christmas worship service tonight at Grace. Emmett struggled a bit, but made it through like a champ. He was a bit sad because he usually gets to play at this service, so I can imagine that it was tough for him to watch. Keep us in your prayers this next week or so as we navigate chemo-land. much love to all.

Snow

Posted by wendy on December 12, 2010

p>And we have snow!

Snow will forever make me think of the last day before cancer started affecting our lives. January 31, 2009. There was a huge snowstorm in Nashville. Emmett was shoveling snow. We were trying to teach our very cautious son how to sled. I can still remember the way Emmett laughed and smiled that day, like we had no cares in the world. There was no pain, no nausea, no cancer in our lives. I watched the snow fall today with a mixture of sweet memories and a heavy heart. Here’s to praying that I will get to hear Emmett laugh that way again. That would be nice.

Sleeping Beauty...Or was it Rip van Winkle?

Posted by wendy on December 20, 2010

So Emmett has basically been sleeping since Tuesday, with the exception of a concert outing Thursday night and a few hours out of bed on Friday morning. I’m starting to get a little worried about him. This is when his cell counts bottom out, and they were already on the low end prior to this round of chemo. We’ll find out more tomorrow when we go in for blood work, but I’m hoping he won’t require hospitalization or transfusions. There hasn’t been much else to say. I’ve been praying this week for hearts that are submissive to God’s will, for faith to believe that God’s will is good when our circumstances seem to contradict our faith, and for obedient spirits especially when obedience means sacrifice or inconvenience. Thanks for praying with us.

A Christmas Update

Posted by wendy on December 23, 2010

Sorry we have not written in so long. We are in what seems to be such a period of waiting. I spend many days waiting for Emmett to get up, while he spends them waiting to feel better. While we wait, we pray, miss each other, and pray some more. I entertain Quinn and manage the house and our lives before collapsing into bed at night. I may go several days without really getting to be around Emmett other than medication time at 4 am, which is not my most charming time of day. We struggle with the unpredictability of these days, sometimes wondering if they will end or get worse.

But on days like today, Emmett and I get to spend time together almost as if he is perfectly fine. Almost, but not really. This afternoon was a sweet time where Emmett was making red and green Christmas pasta while I baked a red velvet cake. Quinn alternately helped Emmett, weaseled some cake batter, attacked the imaginary enemies in the living room, or worked on writing his letters and numbers. During days like today I am thankful for God’s mercy through medicine, flawed and imperfect as it is. Emmett’s mind was clear and we spoke about lots of things, both thoughtful and trivial. I’m thankful even for the blessing of easy conversation, which so often escapes us these days.

Thank you for your prayers. We are blessed and held up by them, even during these quiet times of waiting. We are thankful beyond expression for your presence with us in this journey, especially when it seems lie we’re sitting still. Thank you for waiting with us.

A New Year

Posted by wendy on December 31, 2010

Christmas Day at the Stallings house was nice but subdued this year. Emmett pushed himself hard to get up with Quinn to participate in Santa and stockings, so hard in fact that he spent part of the morning throwing up and ended up sleeping most of the afternoon. He woke up in the early evening and felt much better, so we stayed up late with family playing one of the new games he got for Christmas. The following two days though were really good. Emmett was up and about doing things around the house, playing with Quinn, and living an almost normal life. Quinn has this little dry erase book with numbers and simple math picture problems that friends gave him, and he will only work it with Daddy, who sits patiently explaining how to write numbers and do simple subtraction. It is a sweet scene to watch. The last couple days Emmett’s energy has varied widely, but he’s managed to spend some time with friends and get out of the house a little bit.

This has been a rough week for Emmett. Physically he has been doing mostly okay, but he’s been really struggling mentally. As he said to me the other day, we’ve been praying for healing, but also for another birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, so that after celebrating this Christmas, we can’t help but wonder if this was our just one more. As the year turns, we are reminded not of new beginnings and fresh starts, but of a ticking clock. We both cry a lot these days, Emmett more than I because I spend a lot of time chasing Quinn, who happens to be a very absorbing distraction. Emmett however spends a lot of time awake late at night or alone resting, so he struggles more than I do. Pray for our heads these next couple months. February has always been a hard month for us in particular, and it will be doubly so this year. Thank you for the love you show us in your own particular ways. We are blessed by your presence with us.