Flooding

Posted by wendy on May 4, 2010

For those of you who don’t live in Nashville, there was massive flooding in Nashville this past weekend. We survived with only a couple new leaks, but most of downtown was flooded as well as several major suburbs. Most of these people probably don’t have flood insurance. Some friends from church and school have lost most of their possessions. The Grand Old Opry, Opryland Hotel, 2nd Avenue, the Titans stadium – all flooded. Oddly enough, though a couple dozen people were killed and there is billions of dollars in damage, apparently Nashville still doesn’t warrant national media coverage, though the BBC covered the story. Please keep the people of Nashville in your prayers, that Christ would redeem all things for his glory. Consider donating to the Red Cross for disaster relief in Tennessee if you have the means.

Chemo, take 4

Posted by wendy on May 4, 2010

Here at Team Emmett, we’re gearing up for Chemo, round 4 this coming Wednesday, so bust out all those matching t-shirts, wristbands, and bracelets and get them spiffy looking for Wednesday! This is the last round of chemo before Emmett goes for re-staging on May 17th. Pray for our hearts to receive whatever news comes our way with faith and joy.

Other items in the works:

• Team Emmett Chick-fil-a night will be May 13th at the Brentwood Chick-fil-a from 4-8 pm (Thanks Kristin and Nicki!). We’ve been getting fries there for Emmett almost daily so come on out and join the fun. I hear there may be an Emmett sighting there… around 5 pm is my best guess…
• Some dear friends are putting together a benefit concert for late August or early September. We’re hoping to get the American Cancer Society involved so that the proceeds can go to esophageal cancer research. Rumor has it that Amy Grant might be taking part as well as some other Christian artists. This is WAY bigger than us, and it completely blows our minds that things would come together like this. We’ll let you know more when we have the details, but pray those details come together in a way that glorifies God.
• Emmett is working on a blog post, I promise. Even I’m waiting to see what he has to say!

Thank you. We love you. Good night.

Life in General

Posted by emmett on May 4, 2010

It’s been a while since I have posted here, mainly trying to think of ways to compete with my wife’s stellar posts that she keeps writing. I also feel like it’s easier to write when something is happening, an event, chemo, or hospital stays, or something. I forget sometimes that LIFE is happening around me all the time. I know that sounds silly, but I am somewhat disconnected from it all. My life schedule looks nothing like it did at the beginning of February.

I have to make sure that at the two hour mark everyday (8 am, 10 am, 12 pm, 2 pm, etc) I take the appropriate meds and either feed myself nutrients through the feeding tube, or hydrate intensely with gatorade. The meds do different things, like keep nausea at bay, take away a little of the pain, keep the tumour fever from flaring up, etc. Its odd to have to depend on so many meds to even approach a feeling of normal. Even then, I watch the clock like a hawk, making sure I don’t miss my next dose, otherwise things tend to tank pretty fast here.

Part of what has gotten hard lately is having to deal with all the little things in life that happen. It’s all these little things that jerk me out of some sort of cancer numbing thought process, and remind me that despite what is happening with me, I still have a family to take care of, and I still am responsible for taking care of things that keep a household running. The recent heavy rains here in nashville revealed to us some leaks at our house that we are going to have to take care of (and where do you start with that rabbit trail of calling people or hiring them? ). Metro water claims we have leak somewhere, and that’s why our water bill has been so high – the hard thing is this leak must be invisible and the water evaporating, since I haven’t been able to find anything yet.

In addition to these things, I am reminded that I am also a father and a husband, that there are emotional needs outside of myself that need to be tended to. There is a little boy that needs love, and nurturing, direction and guidance. He needs someone to help him think through things. He needs someone to play trains with, to help cut up his sandwiches, etc. It’s a job that I love doing, and yet brings tears to my eyes all the time, thinking that there could be a day sooner than later with this cancer, that would cease that interaction between father and son.

Its all just kind of weird, living with cancer, a silent illness, that can cause so much destruction, and has caused so many life changes thus far, and at the same time, trying to recover enough strength and endurance to continue getting better to keep on doing more and more with life as it happens to seemingly blow past me. I am in a constant state of playing catch up. since I don’t get out much, I hear about zoo trips with quinn after they happen, or any other numerous activities with any number of people.

So there you have it. I pray that I will be able to continue to take part in life more and more, that I will be able to track and play drums again, that I will be able to take Quinn to the zoo, etc. I also pray that this cancer is receding, and that it’s dissipating, rapidly, i might add. Not a day goes by that I don’t struggle with thinking about it, and where it could lead to. so for now, I am trying to focus on life, trying to add “normal” things back into my routine, like getting the mail, taking out the trash, writing out bills, making menus for the week, grocery shopping and so on. After all, it’s life that needs living right now, so that seems like a good thing to do.

Update on Chemo #4

Posted by wendy on May 6, 2010

We are officially zombies. Hospital-induced zombification set in about the time we met our doctor, almost exactly two hours after our appointment was scheduled. Emmett came home, ate, and promptly passed out. I took a walk, ate, and will pass out here shortly. So here’s the news in short:

First, Emmett’s blood counts continue to rise, which is a very good sign that he’s not oozing blood form his tumor anymore. Also, she said that the CT scan in May would be more of a base line scan. Since Emmett went about 6 weeks between diagnosis and chemo starting, it would not be unusual to see that the cancer had grown, but Emmett’s improvement indicates that the chemo is working. So even if the cancer has grown some, we will still probably continue this regimen for another 8 weeks. Of course we’re praying that the cancer is completely gone, but since Emmett still has pretty significant nausea around the clock, it seems that something is still in his body. Finally the doctor gave him the all clear on solids. She said he could eat whatever he wanted, but to start slow since he hasn’t eaten much solid food in three months. So we’re going to start on the baby food plan and work our way up. Oddly enough, she said he should be having the most trouble with foods like bread and mac and cheese. When she found out that was all he was eating and it was fine, then she said he could eat whatever he wanted.

I had some more thoughtful pre-zombification reflections on general chemo experiences, but those will have to wait for a day when I am more coherent.

Good night. Please continue to pray for the flood victims in Nashville.

Maybe not so bad...

Posted by wendy on May 7, 2010

So today is the lowest point in the chemo cycle. So far it’s not as bad as the last cycle. We’re foregoing food today and just making sure Emmett stays hydrated and medicated. Basically if Emmett doesn’t move, then he won’t throw up. When he sat up this morning, he threw up for a while. Now with the steroids and extra nausea medications, he’s managing to stay stable. He’s propped up trying to sleep as much as possible, and the trashcan is propped by his head just in case. It breaks my heart to see him like this, and I have to constantly remind myself that we’re killing something much worse. Pray for him to sleep today and tonight away. He says that he’s most comfortable when he can sleep and let time pass more quickly.

The day to day

Posted by emmett on May 10, 2010

I still don’t get cancer. I continue to have problems with my expectations like how quickly I should rebound from chemo or how much energy I should have on a given day. For starters, today is Monday evening, and it has been a struggle to find energy for anything. Somehow, in my brain, I think that when Chemo is done on Friday, I should bounce back within 24 hours to my pre-chemo energy level. Believe me, when I say that the rebound is much slower than I want. Even though I rebound a little bit faster each time, it still takes days to get over the immense amount of poison that has just been pumped into my veins.

Past the chemo logistics, I am still trying to figure out what it means to have cancer on a day to day basis. What do I do on days I have energy? What do I do on days I don’t have energy? How do I determine what kind of day I am having early enough to make those calls? How can I be an effective parent when I am down and out on a regular basis? How do I make plans for today, much less next week or month?

I am spending more time these days trying to regain lost ground, trying to learn to operate with this new weight, trying to regain mental focus as well as physical strength. Life is not always easy with the changing nausea everyday, but there are many things to work on and to work towards.

Chick-fil-a Tonight!!

Posted by emmett on May 13, 2010

So let me start off by saying that Wendy and I are blessed to have so many wonderful friends who go to great lengths to love on us. We are constantly amazed and humbled by the many people, including you, who are walking alongside us through this. We can’t thank you enough, even though we’ll try, repeatedly. That being said . . .

Tonight, from 4pm – 8pm, we invite all who can make it, out to the Chick-fil-a on Franklin Road here in Brentwood, Tn for dinner. Chick-fil-a is graciously donating a percentage of the profits towards our battle with cancer. All you have to do is mention that you are there with Team Emmett, and they will set aside a portion of the proceeds for us. We will also have a table setup with lots of Team Emmett gear, so if you haven’t had a chance to grab any, you can pick some up there as well. If chicken sandwiches aren’t your thing but would like to still donate, you will be able to do so at the Team Emmett table. Wendy, Quinn and I will be there starting somewhere around 6:45 tonight, so if you’re there we would love to meet you or catch up a little with you. There are rumors of a large group picture as well, so if you have Team Emmett wear, make sure you’re wearing it. It’s a picture I am sure you’ll want to be a part of! If you’re camera shy, we won’t push you to being in the picture, so don’t let that deter you from coming and visiting with us!

Also, a small housekeeping note, we had an issue with the comments here for a little while, but we have worked out the kinks, and if you weren’t able to leave comments before, you should be able to leave them now. So drop us a line, we love hearing from you!

I look forward to seeing you tonight at Chick-fil-a, and hopefully meeting a lot of you who are so faithfully praying for us and walking with us. Thanks again!

Love one another

Posted by wendy on May 13, 2010

Jesus gave us one simple command on the night he was betrayed: Love one another. John chapter 13 describes the last supper, and right after telling us that he is going away, Jesus said, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13: 34-35).

So ingrained was this command in the hearts of the disciples, that it appears over and over in the letters of both Peter and John. But why do we need to be reminded so often to love one another? Two reasons stand out to me in their writings. First, our love for each other sets us apart as children of God, and second, because most of the time we’re not very good at it.

Tonight at Chick-fil-a, I was overwhelmed by the outpouring of love from our local community. Students from school, friends from church, and even some complete strangers all showed up. All of our Nashville worlds collided for a brief instant in time, and I’m not sure any of us expected the awesomeness of the moment. I am reminded, as I need to be often, of how well we are loved. But I frequently forget that this love comes from the lives of people who are overflowing with the Spirit of God, and I forget to thank God for using us to show his love. Peter reminds us that we love one another because we have been born again through his Spirit. Often it is hard for me to see his Spirit working in my life, but when I see all these broken people together, I am reminded that it is in community, serving one another out of love, that we glorify him. We cannot love in isolation. We can only love in community.

I find that when I fail to love people well, I shrink away from community. Even when my actions don’t betray me, my thoughts often reveal my inability to love genuinely. Often, I just don’t feel like it. With all our “modern” technology, I find the temptation to hide very enticing. Now I can even go to church without leaving my bedroom. Yet I cannot experience the fullness of Christ without encountering other broken people. I’m often gawky and awkward, and my eyes will glaze over in conversation or I don’t know what to say. Sometimes I’m more worried about how I smell (darn those water restrictions!), and I forget to ask you about what I know is going on in your life. Or I may spend more time after our conversation worrying about whether I was misunderstood when I should be praying for your heart. But the beauty of a broken community built on the foundation that we are each new people in Christ is that, by the grace of God, we can move past the awkwardness. And oh man, can I be full of awkwardness!

This kind of community can’t be fabricated or worked up. I’ve tried living in community without resting in the grace of God, and my efforts leave me frustrated and more cynical than before. Yet when I put on the love of God, I find that this community blossoms around me, not because of anything I do, but because of how my eyes are opened to the lives of people around me. I need to be better about intentionally putting on the love of God each day, but I am inspired to do so by each one of you.

So thank you for coming out tonight, thank you for the notes, cards, emails, etc., thank you for your stories and sharing your hearts. We are blessed to walk through this with each one of you.

Cheeseburgers, dates, and good days

Posted by wendy on May 15, 2010

So I’ve discovered the way to get Emmett to eat. Don’t ask him if he’s ready to try something, just fix something he can’t resist. We had set June as cheeseburger month, working on chicken and fish this month, but he’s been progressing so well that I just decided to make mini bacon avocado cheeseburgers last night. I figured he wouldn’t be able to resist, and I was right. While the rest of us were eating he quietly prepared and then ate a small, very plain mini cheeseburger! So our food plan is progressing nicely. He still eats a lot of Chick-fil-a, but can now do chicken strips and fries, and he still loves mac and cheese. We’re up to two almost normal meals a day, but he still takes about 3 cans of food through his tube to get enough calories and vitamins.

This has been a really good post chemo week. Previous rounds, we’ve gotten about 2-3 days max before the nausea and pain set back in and become incapacitating. So far this week, we’ve already had 5 good days where Emmett has been up and out of bed most of the day. For the first time in months we’ve had moments where we’ve almost forgotten Emmett has cancer. This has been a good week. Emmett has been able to play with Quinn, put him to bed, and help out around the house. Today we even went on a date to see a movie.

We know enough to rejoice in the good days and not think too much of the future. The CT scan Monday may hold good news or bad, but tonight we feel blessed to have days like today.

The CT scan and more news

Posted by emmett on May 18, 2010

So yesterday was my first CT scan since we started running Chemo appointments every other week. I have to admit, I was nervous, visibly, as my hands were shaking all day. Part of the reason was because the rooms that I went to, were rooms where I had been during those weeks of testing, surgeries, and whatnot. So it was like a bad dream revisited. Also, the last CT scan I had done, which was very early on in the cancer detection, was a horrible experience. The contrast that they put have to put in you for the scan to work, burned when they injected it into my veins, so much, that I was screaming, and my wife could hear me screaming out in the hallway. so needless to say, I was a tad bit nervous about this whole thing.

Thankfully, now that I have a port installed, they accessed that, and everything went smoothly. It was a complete 180 from the last scan. We won’t get results until tomorrow (wednesday) when we go in for chemo again. However, we’re not expecting to see much on this one, other than what we already know. Mainly because since there was a span of about six weeks from when the first CT scan was done, and when we started chemo, there was a window of opportunity for the cancer to grow, or to move to other areas. That being said, we are using this CT scan as a base line for future CT scans during treatment. I am hoping and praying that things overall look better, that maybe some spots are gone, especially since I have been feeling lots better these last two days. But don’t worry, we’ll let you know how it goes after we meet with the doctor on wednesday and discuss the results.

In other housekeeping news – We have a new shirt design on the Team EmtWear page. We only printed a small amount of them, so when these are gone, their gone! (We’ll always have the original Team Emmett logo shirts available though, so don’t worry there!) This shirt design is the Team Emmett Intergalactic logo. It’s a cool logo, and one of my favorites! I’ll actually be wearing my Team Emmett Intergalactic to Chemo this wednesday. So I encourage you to pick one up before they’re all gone! We also have them in 3T and 4T sizes for kids. Quinn wore his at the Chick-fil-a night last week, and then wanted to sleep in, and he cried when we told him we had to take it off to get washed. So it’s kid tested and approved!

As always, we appreciate your prayers, and are grateful for your help, your support, and your friendship as we continue to walk through this. We’ll keep you updated as we go through Round #5 this week. Thanks again!

A Double-Edged Sword

Posted by wendy on May 19, 2010

It’s always good when your doctor has news to tell you, and she is smiling when she enters the room. In short, the cancer has shrunk slightly, which is very good news, especially considering that Emmett went six weeks without treatment after the diagnosis.

Upon reflection later, it was at that point in the conversation that Emmett said we should have stopped asking questions.

But we didn’t.

We continued to poke and prod, asking more specific questions in relation to future treatments, etc., and we left much less encouraged than we’d hoped. Let’s just say that our doctor’s expectation for Emmett’s condition has not progressed with Emmett’s improvement. Hearing her long-term assessment took the wind out of our sails, and we sat through chemo today a bit disheartened.

In short, the official expectation is that the cancer may continue to shrink for a while, but eventually it will stop shrinking and begin to grow again. She has no expectation that it will go away, especially in the liver. That just “doesn’t happen.”

So we know how to pray going forward, specifically for continued shrinkage, especially in the liver. Our God is gracious and loving, mighty to save. He can do what the doctors consider impossible, so we pray that he will. Sometimes seeing the giant face to face, though, is much different than just hearing about him. Today we got another glimpse of the giant we’re up against. Now we’re just loading our slings.

A Quick note on Wristbands (and post Chemo hub-bub)

Posted by emmett on May 25, 2010

There have been lots of people asking about the wirstbands, either via comments on our blog here, or in emails, or Facebook messages, or some other way. We do have two different types of wristbands, both the Terrycloth/traditional sweatband style and a smaller silicone/rubber style wristband. Both have the Team Emmett logo and text. I know some people prefer the smaller ones for wearing with dress shirts and the like at the office, or wearing them when it’s hotter out. You can obtain either one of these wristbands by sending a donation of any amount to TeamEmmett, and then notating which wristband you would like to receive. You can donate by clicking here. This page will also explain everything again, hopefully making it easier for you to obtain whichever wristband you would prefer. When we run out of a shipment, it may take a few weeks to get more in, so please have patience. Nicki Silverman is graciously heading up the packaging and shipping, and she will get them out as soon as we get more. My wife wendy and I can’t thank you enough, for those who have already donated to us. We are greatly humbled by your generosity and your support. More so, we are thankful to have so many praying for us, and carrying us when it gets rough.

It’s rough when going through chemo, for all of us here. I am laid up for a day short of a week. My mother has been most gracious, making the eight hour round trip from atlanta every other week, to stay with us, and lend a hand with Quinn, making meals, and keeping things in order. Wendy has the extra responsibility of taking care of me as I sleep for the first three days, making sure I get my meds/hydration/etc when I need it, even if it means waking up in the middle of the night. For me, It is very dark, depressing, and a very hard journey those six days. It feels like it will never end, and at times there is much despair in me. It is through prayer, and seeking the Face of Christ, and the prayers of many others, not to mention the countless notes, text messages, and emails that I receive during these days that help see me through to the end. The Tuesday after Chemo for me is like the day after the Flood for Noah. The world is right and good, and there is much rejoicing to say the least!

I say all that to let you know that your support, your prayers, your notes and friendship mean the world to us. Thank you so much for how you all minister to me and my family.

Click here for more on the wristbands

Chemo & Community

Posted by emmett on May 27, 2010

There are tons of thoughts that are always running through my head, especially during chemo weeks. Chemo starts on a Wednesday for me, when I go to the chemo labs. First we go in, I have my port accessed (basically a semi permanent IV in my upper right chest), and they draw blood and send it in to the lab to be tested. After this, we meet with our oncologist, talk about the past run of chemo and how things have been. We look at numbers and readouts, comparing them to the week before. Then I get ushered upstairs where they hook me up to several expensive drugs and start pumping them into me for 3 hours. After these few hours, I am disconnected from those drugs, and they hook me up to a small portable pump that I wear for the next 46 hours. These 46 hours are some of the most physically exhausting for me.

I sleep for most of this time, but when I am not sleeping, my mind is wandering. It is in these wanderings that circumstances sometimes overwhelm me. I begin to feel very alone, very isolated. My life begins to take place only in my head, among my thoughts my fears. It’s a strange place to be, surrounded by people willing to help, and yet feeling utterly out of touch with everyone around me. It was at this point during the last round of my mental, delirious wanderings that I started thinking of community.

Community has two parts. The obvious part is that many offer to help, whether it is by bringing meals to someone, performing a service, offering financial help, providing childcare or assisting in some other form. This tasks readily come to mind when we think of community, the humbling of ourselves to help others in need, the likeness of Christ in serving one another.

There is a second part to community, though, that we forget about, that we overlook, and that is humbling ourselves as well, not to serve, but to ask for help. A community is present all of the time, we need only to ask, to extend the invitation for others to help, for others to help fulfill a need, and in community, that need is met. This is also the harder of the two parts, because we have to openly admit to others a need, a weakness we may have. We make ourselves a little more vulnerable, by lowering our pride, and that scares us. It is this half of community that I am learning about. I am learning to ask, learning to open my hand, learning to be vulnerable. I am seeing the fulfillment of Christ in others around me and my family. It is one of the most tangible ways that the Lord uses to remind me of His hand in everything. He sustains me and encourages me, through this tightly woven network of Community.

I don’t claim to have community totally figured out, but I am grateful for it, and I am humbly learning more about it all the time.

Sweet Quinn

Posted by wendy on May 28, 2010

p>This has been a full week for our family. We’re having to pack the week between chemo with lots of things because of some outside circumstances, so we’re balancing spending time with friends and not exhausting Emmett. Yesterday evening a sweet friend and talented photographer took some family portraits for us. We were all blessed and exhausted by the adventure, so when we arrived home, Emmett went to medicate and rest, while Quinn and I went out to fetch some dinner. Shortly after turning out of the neighborhood, I looked in my rear view mirror to see tears pouring out of Quinn’s eyes. When I turned off the music and asked him what was wrong, he said, “I miss Ga (his word for Emt), I want to go home,” and he broke down in heartbreaking sobs. He kept repeating over and over that he missed daddy and wanted to go home and didn’t want dinner. Finally I had to call Emmett and let him talk to Quinn so that Quinn would calm down. Once daddy asked him to get dinner, Quinn was okay with our errand, but it was sweet to see how much he loves being around his dad. It’s a small reflection of what an amazing father Emmett is as well.

Moments with Quinn like this are what make both Emmett and I shed many tears. The past couple weeks I’ve been feeling about 10 minutes away from a panic attack, like I can’t take a full breath, or sleep deeply, calm my heart down to rest. Consequently, I’ve been a lousy mother, wife, and friend. It’s been so bad, I’ve even noticed a change in how Quinn acts towards me that makes me cringe with embarrassment about just how lousy of a mom I’ve been. The Lord woke me up early this morning, and I got to have a sweet time of repentance, prayer, and reading before the boys demand all my attention. It is good to be reminded of how much I still need a savior and how much I mess things up when I live without Christ in my life. It’s hard to draw close to a God that you feel is not answering your prayers. It hurts, and it’s humbling. Emmett and I have both struggled to know we are loved by God. Thankfully he has surrounded us with friends and family to lift us up during this fight. We say it so many times, that I’m sure it sounds old, but thank you again for everything. We are held up by your love and prayers.

Good Friends

Posted by emmett on May 31, 2010

This weekend, or from about Thursday through the end of memorial day, has been jam packed with lots of hang time. Two of my best friends in the whole world came to town just to hang out with me, and I can’t tell you how much that means to me. These two guys, Jacob and Jeff, are both former college roommates of mine from when we were all at Furman University. We have plenty of stories from the three years we were all on campus together, and especially the two years we spent living together in the on campus apartments. We have since married, and we have been at each others weddings, and even in them. We all have kids now, and we are spread out all over the U.S., literally. Jacob lives up in Washington State, and Jeff in South Carolina. That gives you some idea to the scope, or rather, to the weight of what it means to me, for them to clear their weekend, and spend time traveling, just so we get to hang out for a few days.

We have spent plenty of time eating meals together, laughing, telling and retelling stories, and watching our kids play together. It’s almost like we just picked up where we left off from the last time we hung out. It was like being at home, and so at ease with everyone. We could sit in silence, or fire questions back and forth about what’s going on, or just laugh about some old story, or some comment someone made. It has been a blessing to have them here this weekend. I was sad to have to say goodbye to Jeff and his wife Kelley this morning. I was bummed to see them go, but encouraged from their visit, and excited at the possibilities of getting together again with them. at the end of Memorial day, I will have to say goodbye to Jacob and his wife Kelly, and their son Micah, whom Quinn has enjoyed playing with all weekend. part of me dreads that moment, and so I am choosing to not think about it until it gets here, and I plan on focusing on the time we have to hang out tomorrow before they have to leave.

So to both of you guys, your wives, your families, thank you so much for coming to see me, to visit with me, to encourage me, to love on Wendy, Quinn and I. Your friendship through the years is something that I greatly treasure and that I hold close to my heart. I find so much value in your thoughts and opinions, and I can’t imagine going through life, or making it through this sickness, without you. So thank you, from the very inner reaches of my heart, Thank you.